THE LIFE OF A KILO OF EXCESS WEIGHT

It is said that there is the same amount of water on this planet as there was when it was created. All that happens is it gets recycled, displaced, redistributed around the globe. A drop could be in your body, then five years later the same drop could be trickling down a mountain stream.

So following on from this fact, my theory is that there is a finite number of kilos of excess weight (KEW) out there, ok... I’ve got some, just in case you’re counting…, but they’re out there… they move around invisible to the naked eye, until one morning you try to fasten those trousers and “where the hell did that come from?”

Evidence. How many times have you found that within your peer group or family, colleagues at work, someone loses weight and someone at the same time, coincidentally puts on weight? A few days ago, one of my uncles came to visit, he noted how well my mum looked, how she’d lost weight, and actually he’s gained a few pounds. Proof.

The species kilo of excess weight is parasitic in nature, it needs to feed off someone. So when someone starts a diet or exercise routine or just begins to think twice about eating that cream cake… they need to start looking around for another host body. Obviously like all of us, they don’t like house moves, so they try and make a good choice, so they can stay put for years and make themselves quite at home. They chose women first, because we’re caring and homely and comfy and we feel sorry for the poor bastards and welcome them with open arms.

They also know where to place themselves on your body, discreetly at first in all the right places, and we get away with thinking we’re curvaceous and sexy and after all look at the greatest sex symbols…. Not thin, not square but fuller figures, curves. Men, well, they start calling it a six pack, and muscle and when they take their shirt off it is plainly obvious that it’s not a six pack anymore but a barrel.

So, now you have an explanation for the ease of losing weight when first you start dieting or exercising, it’s like rats leaving a sinking ship. Then you hit the wall, difficulty in shifting those last few KEWs… they’ve been with you so long, they don’t want to leave, they’ve been here before, when you’ve done countless other diets. Remember, it’s not your inner voice that says “go on, just one little biscuit isn’t going to hurt”… it’s them, the KEWs trying to hold on for dear life.